


Boys are Dumb

by princesitka



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fanfiction writing, High School, Levi is a nerd, M/M, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Use of sleeping pills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesitka/pseuds/princesitka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi likes to keep to himself, and that hasn't changed since elementary school. But he's sure he wasn't writing graphic yaoi fanfiction back then, but hey, who knows. He was a troubled kid anyway. </p><p>So if everyone will just leave him alone with his yaoi, that would be great, thanks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I write things and never continue them and write other things I am sorry.

It's a lovely Thursday afternoon, the best kind of afternoon, according to Levi. The sun is tucked away behind thick gray clouds and relentless rain pounds against the shoddy roof and windows of his high school. Everyone is in a quiet, sad, mood and Levi absolutely loves it.

No, he's not some sappy emo kid, writing poems about how life sucks and so do people, he just thinks that rainy days are the best days to get inspirations for a different kind of writing.

You see, Levi is a writer of the fanfiction variety. An accomplished fanfiction writer if he does say so himself, which he does. All the time. 

Levi writes fanfiction for multiple fandoms, but the one he is known the best in is one for the anime 'Defending the Walls'. 

Yeah, he knows, Defending the Walls is a pretty stupid name for an anime, but then again, animes have had stranger names than that. But besides the name, Defending the Walls is a stellar anime. Oh, stellar. That's a nice word. He should remember that one for the next time he's writing. 

His fanfiction 'Divided' has received over thirty pieces of fanart and is one of the top recommended fanfictions among DTW fans. He's really proud of it, and he's almost finished writing it too. Only three more chapters to go, and then it'll all be over. The thought both saddens him and thrills him.

Divided is about two of the main characters from DTW, Alan and Ezra, who are also two of the fan favorites. Divided pitches them both from the world of DTW to Germany during the era of the Berlin Wall, where they have been seperated on either side. Levi has a plan where they'll be able to see each other again in the next chapter (and a little magic may happen, you know, for the fans), but one of them will be caught by a soldier (he's not telling who) and killed. 

Levi's not an unusually cruel person, he just likes to give his fans a little bang for their buck.

That's why stormy days are the best for inspiration, because they let him focus on what he does best without being interupted by anyone. Not that anyone would walk up to him and bother him on purpose, anyway.

Levi's tapping away at his laptop in the library when that thought is apparently flushed down the potty, because he sees a pair of blue jeans and the bottom of a t-shirt over the top of his laptop. 

And then, in his direct vision, right in front of his screen, is Eren Jaeger's mess of unruly brown hair.

He knows it's Eren Jaeger's because he has to stare at the back of it every day in history class.

"What'cha writin'?" Eren Jaeger asks, still blocking Levi's view of his computer screen as he eclipses it with his large and dirty head.

Levi pushes his head away with a swift and powerful movement, making Eren Jaeger take a step back from the sheer aggression behind it. 

"Woah, no need to snap my head off my neck, dude." Eren Jaeger says quickly, eyes wide and hands up in front of him in an 'I surrender' position.

"Well, if you hadn't been snooping around my writing, then we wouldn't have had that problem now, would we? And don't go sticking your disgusting head an inch away from my face, who knows if there's lice in there or not." Levi mutters, mostly to himself as he continues to tap away as if he were never interrupted. 

But he could see Eren Jaeger looking shocked and almost hurt by his comments, crossing his arms and trying to put on his tough guy charade to try and intimidate Levi.

It didn't work.

"Jesus, you don't have to be so mean." Eren Jaeger finally says, uncrossing his arms so he can run a hand through his potentially lice-filled hair. Levi turns to him, one eyebrow quirked upwards. 

"You don't have to be so annoying." He says, now patiently awaiting Eren Jaeger's answer.

It's not that he hates Eren Jaeger, no, quite the contrary. He's always admired how well Eren Jaeger jumps hurdles on the varsity track team. He's set various new records all around the district and has even gone to states for it. But right now, Eren Jaeger is not excelling at jumping hurdles, but is instead excelling at annoying the living hell out of Levi.

"Why the hell are you so mean all the time?" Eren Jaeger starts, and Levi can tell that he's about to go on some angry tangent, like he does in math class when the teacher tells him he's wrong. "Seriously! You barely have any friends as it is, and if you keep being such an ass, you're not gonna have any left!"

Levi snorts because he has plenty of friends, and as much as he's told them all to leave him alone, they've refused the idea completely. 

"Look, Eren, I'm being mean to you right now because I'm clearly busy with something here. I don't know what possesed your little heart into coming over here, but why don't we just act like it never happened. I don't need any more enemies with the "popular" crowd anyway." The last line Levi mostly mutters to himself, but Eren Jaeger hears it clear as day, because for some reason Eren Jaeger has super human hearing.

"Your writing is more good than half of these books in here." Eren Jaeger says, and that takes Levi by surprise. Firstly because of the sucky grammar, and secondly because he'd been writing porn when Eren Jaeger had stuck his big, dumb head in the way.

Levi just continues to stare at him, scratching the back of his head with his too long finger nails, which is a habit he has when he's nervous.

"Whatever. Please leave me alone." Levi tries to inject his usual venom into the statement, but fails miserably, because Eren Jaeger just keeps looking at him with those eyes. 

"Okay. See you in history, Levi." Eren Jaeger smiles and waves at him as he leaves, anger from before somehow diminished, and Levi is feeling burned from how bright his damn teeth are.

He tries to go back to focusing on Alan giving Ezra a blowjob, but fails miserably and chooses to close his laptop instead. 

Levi supposes that's what he gets for trying to write porn in school.

 

It's Friday and sunny and Levi definitely cannot write in these conditions, he's tried to before and it's all sounded like blissful, walking-on-cloud-nine crap. He only has about a thousand more words left of the chapter to write and he can't wait to get it done and update Divided, because he knows his fans will go absolutely crazy for it. He especially can't wait to see the fanart they draw of this chapter.

Levi's in history class, staring at the back of one bird's nest of brown hair when he remembers that that particular bird's nest was right in front of his nose the day previous. He doesn't think Eren Jaeger will remember what happened yesterday, because it seems he has a very short attention span as well as a short term memory (besides when he decides to hold a grudge), but then Mr. Lovett is telling them to work with partners on the new study guide and Eren Jaeger is turned around in his seat and looking hopefully at Levi.

"What?" Levi asks him, scowling against the blush threatening the stain his cheeks. Curse his partially Irish heritage for his pale skin.

"Wanna be partners?" Eren Jaeger asks excitedly, even though his girlfriend Mikasa is standing right next to him from where she walked over from her own table, study guide in hand.

"Um... Don't you want to be partners with your girlfriend?" Levi asks, gesturing vaguely to the girl who seems to be quietly demanding attention.

Eren Jaeger looks over at Mikasa and asks her if she could just be partners with Annie today, and Mikasa wearily gives him an 'okay' before giving Levi a look and walking off. Maybe it was because Levi had been silently pleading her to say 'no' instead. 

Levi wants to hit his head off the table as Eren Jaeger excitedly opens LEVI'S book and starts trying to find the answer to the first question. It's going to be a long period.

 

"Hey, Levi!" Calls someone from behind him in the hall, and Levi swears if it's Eren Jaeger he's going to shove him in one of the way-too-small lockers, reputations be damned.

But it's Hanji jogging up beside him, panting and trying in vain to zipper their bag. 

"Why the heck were you and Eren Jaeger partners in history?!" Hanji crows, finally succeeding with the zipper.

"Because he's an annoying bitch, that's why." Levi says, trying to pave his way through seventh graders taller than he is to get to his next class. 

Hanji is right on his heels, calling 'sorry' over their shoulder to the kid now laying on his back on the ground. 

"Well I had to work with Connie Springer, and that was no fun, so next time tell him to screw off!" 

Levi sighs, finally approaching his Chem class. "Already tried that, Hanji. He won't leave me alone."

Hanji rolls their eyes and continues on down the hall towards their two period AP Bio class. "Then it seems we're just going to have to kill him!"

This attracts the attention of several other students, most of them under-classmen, but Levi doesn't really care, because he hates Chem and he also hates the under-classmen.

He spends all of Chem working out the rest of the newest chapter of Divided in his head, and totally not thinking of Eren Jaeger's eyes as inspiration so he can accurately describe Alan's.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this before the other thing because I do what I want. 
> 
> Notice: I do not consent to the excessive use of sleeping pills. Please do not use them unless you are perscribed them or just use them once in a great while.

It's a Friday night and Levi wishes that it wasn't, because Friday nights are only one of the many nights he has to work, and are also, by far, the busiest. 

Levi works as a waiter at the local Italian resturaunt that has a way less than Italian name. Really, who names their Italian resturaunt 'Smith's Italian Eatery'? Someone who wasn't Italian and who also wasn't very smart, that's who. 

Oh, but Erwin Smith, the owner of Smith's Italian Eatery, made up for it by being drop dead handsome and majestic as a bald eagle in flight. And actually, he was pretty smart, but wasn't so much Italian. Levi hypothesized that people only came into the resturaunt to stare at Erwin and maybe pick at their food.

Erwin was also a friend of Levi's Father, so that was really how Levi had gotten a job there as a waiter in the first place. No, not for his charming charisma or his top notch people skills. Shocker, he knows. But that's okay because sometimes Erwin looks at him in ways he doesn't understand but wants to, and those particular looks send shivers up his spine. And for the record, he's eighteen, so don't go thinking Mr. Smith is a pedophile or anything, because he's not. 

But Erwin is mainly the only perk of working as a waiter at that god forsaken resturaunt, because everything else about it sucks, besides the fact that he gets money for things he wants. He's currently saving up for his own apartment after he graduates, the sooner he moves out the better. 

Levi's taking some old couple's order when he hears the stupid little bell above the door jingle again, and he inwardly cusses to himself. Smith's Italian Eatery may be a relatively small establishment, but when you're one of the only two waiters currently working and your co-worker is too busy trying to pick up girls to help you, you tend to want to scare any other customers away by telling them the secret spice the chef uses is actually dandruff. 

Levi finishes taking the old couple's order after they decide if they want white or red sauce on their linguini and shoots a glance over his shoulder.

This time he almost outwardly cusses. 

Eren Jaeger is standing by the host's podium in a dress shirt and jeans with his girlfriend on his arm, looking around the resturaunt with wide eyes as he waits to be seated. 

Levi wants to scurry as fast as he can back into the kitchen before Eren Jaeger sees him, but he knows Jean will never break away from the blonde he's flirting with to seat the couple. So, swallowing his apprehension like it's one of the multiple pills he gulps down every morning, Levi trudges towards the podium, trying to look atleast a little welcoming and friendly as he chants 'apartment, apartment, apartment' in his head.

"Hello, welcome to Smith's Italian Eatery. A table for how many?" Levi asks, even though that question makes him sound stupid because clearly there are only two people standing in front of him.

"Hey, Levi! I didn't know you worked here!" Eren Jaeger says as his manic grin burns a hole in Levi's face because shit, his teeth are really, really white, and even though that grin is obviously supposed to blind him, Levi has an odd feeling that Eren Jaeger is lieing through those way-too-white teeth. 

"Yeah, I do. Work here." Levi retorts, trying to sound light and conversational even though he'd rather go back into the kitchen and slam his face onto the top of the hot stove then have to serve Eren Jaeger on his date. 

"Table for two." Mikasa finally says from where she's clinging to her boyfriend's arm, and Levi couldn't be more greatful. 

"This way, please." Levi says, grabbing two menus and two sets of cutlery and leading the way to a table for two by the window. 

"Wow, what a great table. Thanks, bro." Eren Jaeger says as he plops down in his seat, not even bothering to pull his girlfriend's chair out for her. 

"You're welcome." Levi grits out in a pinched voice, eyebrow twitching slightly at the fact that he'd just been called 'bro'. "Anything to drink?"

"Pepsi, please." Eren Jaeger says, the manic grin still plastered on his face. "And iced tea for the lady. Unsweetened." 

"Coke. We have Coke." Levi all but hisses, instead of saying the usual 'Is Coke okay?' which he reserves for customers that do not call him bro or annoy the piss out of him. 

"That's fine." Eren Jaeger says as he flips the menu open, contemplating just what exactly he wants. 

'And what do you want, Jaeger?' Levi thinks as he trudges back to the kitchen to see if any of the orders are done. 'What exactly do you want?'  
_________

How Eren Jaeger manages to pack away six mozarella sticks, five large raviolis, and half of Mikasa's spaghetti and still be relatively fit and healthy is beyond Levi, but he does, and it's honestly pretty frightening. Seriously, boy can put it away. 

Eren Jaeger walks up to the counter to pay and Levi hurries to get him all paid for and crap because he honesly just wants him out of here. 

"Thanks for being our waiter." Eren Jaeger says almost sweetly as he fishes in his wallet for his wad of cash. What he pulls out is a roll of fifty dollar bills and Levi thinks he must be getting involved with a drug dealer. Wait, no, he's totally not getting involved, just erase that from your mind, please.

"You're welcome." Levi says blandly as he rings Eren Jaeger up and watches as he tries to come up with just the right amout of money. He ends up unrolling a fifty and handing it to Levi.

Levi quickly gives him his change and a receipt and watches through narrowed eyes as Eren turns, waves, gets Mikasa, and leaves. That was surprisingly more painless than Levi had originally expected, and it feels pretty good.

At this point there aren't that many people left in the resturaunt, so Levi figures he'll go and clean Eren Jaeger's table himself. He collects a gray plastic bin from under the counter and saunters up to the window, placing the bin where the table will allow it.

He picks up Eren Jaeger's cloth napkin to throw in the bin when he notices a bit of green flutter down to the floor from under it.

It's a fifty dollar bill.

Levi doesn't know what to do, honestly. He kind of wants to run after Eren Jaeger and his girlfriend and tell them they've lost some money, but he knows that this fifty was left here as his tip. 

That thought is confirmed when he finds a tiny slip of white paper folded into the fifty. 

'my #- (470-357-0767) Eren' the note said, and on the back it said, 'p.s. i like the way you move between the tables'.

Levi feels a shiver run up his spine and the tempurature in the resturaunt get atleast five degrees hotter. He immediatley shred the note to pieces and throws it in the bin with the napkin, willing it to spontaneously combust just like Levi's cheeks are at the moment. 

"Levi!" Erwin calls from behind the counter. "Rap it up and head home, Jean's got it from here." 

Levi hears the audible groan from wherever Jean is, and gets the rest of his work done as quickly as possible so he can head home.

He has things to write, dammit, and lots of thoughts swirling through his head to push back and possibly use as inpsiration. 

_________

Levi is laying on his bed, waiting for his sleeping pills to take effect when Hanji calls.

"Hey, sleepy head! How was work?" Hanji crows excitedly, and Levi knows that this is the time of day/night that Hanji is most active.

"Oh my god, terrible. Well, more than usual." Levi groans, and decides to run his fingers through his hair because he needs to take a shower in the morning anyway.

"Did Jean spill hot coffee on you again?"

"No," Levi starts, then pauses. Maybe he should just tell Hanji he'll tell them later, because he can feel himself starting to conk out. He decides to just deliver the short version. "Eren Jaeger showed up and brought his girlfriend and left me a fifty dollar tip with his phone number and a creepy compliment." 

"All I'm hearing is fifty dollar tip and compliment." 

"That's because you have selective hearing." Levi can feel his eyelids growing heavy, and he knows he should probably just say 'goodnight' instead of falling asleep on the phone, but he persists anyway.

"What was the compliment?"

"He said 'I like the way you move between the tables'. What is that even supposed to mean? Stupid, stupid creep." Levi is starting to slur his words now, like he's drunk on tiredness.

"Wow, that is pretty creepy. What'd you do with the note?"

"'Eh snurted it up me noooose." 

"Okay, it's time for all the Levis to go to bed."

"All tree of dem?"

"All three of them."

"Frick you, you wiggle wobble jellyfish."

"Goodnight, Levi."

The line goes dead from Hanji's end, but apparently all three of the Levis are in dream land, because none of them make any further protest.


End file.
